The maid of honor just puked.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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