What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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