Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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