Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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