True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
