I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
