Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
