Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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