just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
