You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
