I wish I could teleport
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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