Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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