i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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