He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
