Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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