drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
