how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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