Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
