I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
