the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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