everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
