i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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