I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
