If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
