mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
