walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
