I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
