I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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