she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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