i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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