I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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