Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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