I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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