He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
