Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
