OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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