Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize