Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
