Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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