Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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