she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
