the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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