You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
