What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
