You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
