what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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