hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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