So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
