thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
