His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
