Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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