Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am mentally ready for anal.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
