My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
