I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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