went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
