3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
