Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
