whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
