I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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