dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
