is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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