Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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