do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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