I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize