Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
