all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
