God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
