I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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