She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
