You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
