I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
