Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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