I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
