my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
