I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
