Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
