This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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