Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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