after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
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threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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