sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Girls should come with a carfax report
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
