Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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