Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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