It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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