Don't you send me to vm
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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