I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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