great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
