she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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